Peter N. Upton (1944 - 2023)

 

Peter's son Patrick gave us the sad news that Peter died the day before Thanksgiving. His obituary is here.

 

For more about Peter's life and his work as a painter, please see Jon Holman's tribute below after the Nassau Herald image.

 

Nassau Herald

 

Tributes and Memories

Jon Holman:

in 2018, after having nothing to do with Princeton for 52 years, Peter responded to a '66 birthday card and we exchanged many emails after that. Initially he thought I was Jim Holman, with whom he had overlapped for a year at Evanston High School, but I disabused him of that (I told him Jim was the handsome, rich, charming Holman but that he would have to settle for me).

 

Peter was a Navy Seal who came back badly damaged with PTSD. He managed to get through law school and support himself as an attorney, and have two children, but his life was not easy. And yet he managed somehow to be an upbeat guy, always glass-is-half-full, fully engaged with life. His son, Patrick, said this was the perfect way to describe him.

 

Some years ago, late 1990s, Peter wrote a short story titled "Death of the 43." Here are his words about it from 2018:

 

About me, you might want to check out a documentary film called “Be Good, Smile Pretty”. It was a most precious and moving piece about a daughter and her search for the memories of her Father KIA in Vietnam, whose death I witnessed. I had written a short story about that debacle called “Death of the 43” and unbeknownst to me, it was put online and available to be found by the daughter who had been searching for decades for the story of her Father’s death. And through me, she found it. She made a film of that search and it became one of the award winners of the year. In fact both PBS and 60 minutes aired it, surrounded with interviews of she, and me.

Anyone interested can watch it here (on YouTube), and there are many articles about it online.

 

Peter also loved contemporary art, and painted frequently until his sight began to fail. See his webpage here. His thesis was on the intersection of art and philosophy.

 

In October Peter stopped responding to email. This was very unlike him. But finally he called me. He said that his vision was failing due to PTSD, a diagnosis with which the Navy agreed, and he had been put on permanent disability and was living in a version of assisted living. He wasn't able to read and thus couldn't respond to email. But he was totally upbeat, looking forward to an experimental procedure a few weeks later that had the possibility of improving or restoring his sight. I decided to track down every classmate I could who knew him (roommates and fellow 150lb football players), and many of them called him and cheered him up. He loved this.

 

And then he quit answering his phone. I and others left him multiple messages to no avail. So finally I tracked down his son Patrick and managed to talk with him. It turns out that Peter died the day before Thanksgiving. Though Peter never complained about it, apparently he had several blood ailments and auto-immune conditions, perhaps (but not definitely) caused by Agent Orange. Patrick says that the proximate cause of death was a rare condition called HLH (hemophagocytic lymphohistiocystosis), which most frequently occurs in children but in rare cases occurs in adults. My sense from Patrick, however, is that there really were multiple causes of death.

 

I wish more of us could have known Peter. I'm not sure I ever knew anyone who was so profoundly ill and so profoundly upbeat at the same time. He seemed to have a core of optimism in spite of circumstances that would have stopped most people in their tracks long ago. We have lost a really good guy.

 

Bill Montross:

Peter was famous for his sweaters - while the other Gun guys in Hamilton were hanging out in green tees, Peter was always looking snappy in his sweaters. The worst thing I ever heard anyone say about him was a drunken Coach Vaughn who at our 150 dinner said “And there’s Peter Upton: wants to be a running back; carries the ball like a loaf of bread.” Peter became a place kicker.

 

Jeff Burt (added Dec 31):

I just finished seeing the video documentary by Tracey Proz, which was triggered by Peter Upton's incredible piece in 2001 (see Jon Holman's tribute above)....I wanted to thank Jon and his colleagues for ... his efforts to help Peter (whom I did not know) in his final chapter. ... The documentary is piercing in its "ordinariness". Just a story of a young man of our generation - and his wife and daughter - and mother and his friends - and their lives. Told with honesty and sadness. Peter Upton was a man of unusual talents and gifts. As with so many of our classmates, he had a depth and breadth which we can now see most clearly as we look back.
 

Ron Van Buskirk (added Dec 31)

He was one of my best friends. My first wife went to Amherst High (where Peter went). I think he was at my first wedding.

 

Lou Lesesne (friend. added Dec 31)

I was saddened to learn of Peter's death. Although Peter and I were in the US Navy, in Vietnam, at the same time, we only met when we started law school at Boston University in 1970, when we became dear friends. Unfortunately, our contacts became more limited when I moved (and stayed) south. I've attached a photo of a visit with Peter over lunch as we were passing through Hartford.

 

Memorial Service (added Jan 11, 2024)

Due to bad weather, no classmates were able to attend the memorial service in Hartford on January 6. The class did send flowers, and Peter's son, Patrick, sent the following, with photos. The second photo shows Peter's children, Patrick and Hilary.

 

Confirming receipt of your flowers, they were beautiful and sat at the front of the reception area for when guests arrived. 

 
Completely understand on the snow storm, it created uncertainty in the air for many people traveling from afar. All being considered it was a beautiful ceremony, with great music, art, and memories for a lifetime. Secretary Kerry attended and made one of the best speeches I’ve ever heard. Dad would have been very proud of the group effort and support in pulling it all together.
 
Will share some photos I received, albeit it I didn’t take many at all or focus on that aspect over the day. 
 
Thanks again for everything and happy to chat anytime,

 

   

 

   

More Photos

The photo on the left is from Peter's art site, while his son Patrick supplied the right photo.

 

   

The following four photos are from Peter's daughter Hilary and were sent April 11.

 

   

    Dad playing the piano at Coronado for his Navy Seal reunion                                                Dad on his 70th

Dad meeting my daughter, his granddaughter Carmela for the first time

Dad, Patrick and myself at the Farmington River

Raising a liter of dunkel style beer in a (German?) beer garden

 

Postscript: Patrick at the Alumni Day Class Dinner

Peter's son Patrick accepted the class invitation to the 2024 Alumni Day Class Dinner at the Present Day Club. He was able to connect with his father's friends and Cannon clubmates.

    

LEFT: L-R: John Lumpkin, Chip Ford, Patrick Upton, Jack Chidester

RIGHT: L-R: Clubmates Nahas, Mineo, Thacher, Barrett, Sonnenberg, Patrick Upton, Frank Nuessle

 

 

Additional condolences, memories, tributes, and pictures may also be shared on this memorial page by emailing to 66_MemorialTeam@tiger1966.org.